WTFF!

Yes there are two F's in the title.
So guess what the doctors think I have now? Cushing's. How awesomely perfect. My symptoms all fit very nicely into that package. How very, very depressing.

I'm home. Sure gives me a new love for life. Strange huh?

Ugh

So I'm in the hospital. Thank God for wireless internet. I can at least feel a little connected to the outside world.
Michele brought me to the ED after my blood sugar dropped to 21. It's been low for three days and I've just been chillin, hanging around in a hospital bed. I don't know where to go from here because every time it climbs up to 101, it'll drop back down to 30 in a half hour. D10@150/hr and still nothing better. Sucks, sucks, sucks.
You know what really sucks? I started my side nursing job on Jan. 19th and here it is less than two months into it and I've had to leave early and now call off because my sugar. I think I'm going to loose this gig and I'm worried.
Please pray for me. I would have died the other night if Michele wouldn't have had enough smarts to bring me in. She's been so damn good to me it's sick. She loves me so much and for the first time in my life, I feel like I can accept her love. I love her so much it hurts right now to be away from her.

Also...

Also, it is hitting me that no matter what, babies are out of the question now.

:(

So sad.
I've been having some issues lately, periods where my blood sugar drops below 30, sometimes into the 20s. Anyways, after much follow up and doctor's appointments and blood draws...
Dun dun...
I'm a freaking diabetic. I'm so pissed. My doc blames it on the PCOS. I blame it on myself for being fat always. I'm so freaking upset with myself, with my life, with everything. Ugh.
So I have to go pick up my meter later, along with all the bullshit that comes along with it. I hate myself right now.
I'm already on Metformin 1500 mg a day, add some Januiva, and awesome Antara. Aren't I freaking cool?
The only plus side to my life right now is Michele and I are always working out in addition to eating better. I've lost a total of 23 lbs. At least that's going good.

Thanks

Thanks for all the great comments... I appreciate each and every one of them. I still don't feel better and death is heavy on my mind.
By the way, I'm still on the diet, around day 20. Because I don't know how much I weighed in the beginning, I can't say how much I lost. I'm guessing about 15lbs! Awesome huh? That's making me happy.
I'm at work today... day 9 of 13 in a row. For some reason every one's blogs (including mine) are missing their last blog entries. I mean I know I'm crazy and all, but I read the last entries most people made and they are missing! Their last blog entry is apx. a week ago. A blogger problem? Or the specific computer I'm at? Things I ponder, things I ponder.

I'm going to post on my private blog. I've noticed some new readers lately so if you want an invite, let me know. It's too heavy to put on this one.